Saturday, June 24, 2006, 3:22 PM
today stayed at home... washed my clothes, changed my bedsheet and washed my bags... my room is like a pig sty.. somewhere for me to rot at... table and floor full of things....i think my room even smell...there are a lot of things for me to complete but i also dunno where to start from and how to go about doing it ... have been very dependent on others ... dunno, ask them and they will help... since when will i ever learn to be more independent ??? i now really think i am no better than someone else's ex boyfriend ... really... "What have I done?"
Friday, June 23, 2006, 5:26 PM
Lately i have learnt a very expensive lesson. The lesson made a big turning point in my life. I guess its so expensive that it will be engraved into me for very long. Now to me, many things have became blurred. The route is there but i dunno whether to take it or not and i dun dare to take it. I dunno who trusts me and who will ever trust me again. Maybe i also dunno who to trust anymore cause i dun even trust myself. Things that used to be a norm has became a barrier now. Why must this lesson be so expensive???
Monday, June 19, 2006, 12:45 AM
I had been going through very very tough time these few weeks. I really wanna thank those who were there for me, offered a listening ear, prayed for me and gave me advice. Namely: Joanne (For reminding me to bring the relationship back to God), Shirleen (who went the extra mile), Grace (Accompany me through retail therapy and listen to me), Amy(To listen to my problems) and to all those who are concerned. Actually, I believe God put me through these difficulties to remind me that i am straining away from Him. In this period of time, my spirit is more sensitive to His voice and direction. Its really so amazing how He appeared to me.
I also wanna say SORRY to those i've hurt. I will never know the exact pain i have caused but i know its terrible pain. I think i deserve the pain i am feeling as well but i dun really think i owe anyone anything. Maybe an apology? I am hurt to the extend whereby i am feeling so bad about myself, i dunno how can i forgive myself. I kept asking myself "What have i done !!??!!" Pain cannot be measured in quantity and cannot be compared. I will do my best to seek forgiveness from those i've hurt, and for those who have already forgiven me, i will also try to build back the trust. Those who cannot forgive me, praying for that day to come will be the only thing i can do since God has already forgiven me.
I am easily tired nowadays, bad tempered, cannot do my work/projects properly, easily distracted, I can only ask for understanding. I dun wanna go through any more stress and find the HUI SHAN that is lost. So THANKS and SORRY.