Wednesday, November 30, 2005, 12:48 AM
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there was a question that i asked myself for very long ... " Am i an outsider?" today i got my answer ... its "yes"... haha at least i am happy to know now where do i actually stand in... i didn't want things to happen the way they did ... do you think i want my mother to leave me and some father that i hardly know and a stepfather who practically dun care ? u are all i have yet u say i am an outsider ... i will never understand how u feel when u lost a daughter but u will also never understand how i feel when i lost a mother ... ya my cousins are in the same situation as me but they HAVE a father who took care of them whole heartedly.... if there is one thing that usually people will experience but i do not is fatherly love ..... do u know how hard is it trying to pretend that nothing in my life had been changed ? without her , everything else remains the same, just that she is not around ... thats how i try to think ... but is not ... everything's changed ... i lost my smile, the security i used to have in my heart ... my character and personailty changed ... do you know wat absurd things i have done when i go crazy ? Lovers , friends all will never be able to fill up wat i had lost in the family ...