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Saturday, April 10, 2004, 11:07 PM
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Yesterday i got a shock...wanted to go for Good Friday service but in the end i stayed at home cause feel like accompanying my mum...

my whole family wanted to go to ikea for breakfast...den all of us were waiting for my aunt to wear her boots and my mum was sitting outside and excercising her hand(because nowadays her left hand does not have much strength)and then suddenly she started shaking as though she got possessed or wat...den we realsied she got a cramp or something...my family was shocked we only could stare at her as it happened too suddenly...later my aunt asked her to relax den it stopped shaking after a while...at that time...i wanted to cry but i did not want my family to see cry...i watched her while she was shaking...her face looked like she's in pain...my heart sank...i don't know wat was going to happen and i don't know how to help her...

at my grandma's house...my ah ma got headache...i know she is suffering when she sees her daughters sick...i dunno how long she can last before she breaks down...its too much for her to take...

just now...i had to help her change clothes..i did not know i would end up to this state...or maybe my mum...my heart aches...painful...i really can't imagine how she can take it..or maybe she is crying quietly in her room right now... when i lifted her arms for her to floss her teeth..i was trying hard..very hard to make it like a joke and of no big deal that her left arm doesn't really work now... she might have felt so useless...i am so scared that she will give up hope...i dun want to lose her...i dun dun like wat i am feeling now...she told me that she finds her arm very troublesome now...i know she is trying to take it easy ...but i dun want my mum like that..i want her to be happy...at home she is always lying on the bed...frowning in pain... the pain that the illness has given her...my heart breaks....i gave her a hug trying to let her know i am there with her... telling her not to give up hope but i know she might not hold on for too long... i really dunno wat to do....
Thursday, April 08, 2004, 9:47 PM
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yeah...today went quite well for me in school...got closer to my classmates...dunno y leh...for me is easier to talk to guys than girls...maybe they more friendly ? but still talked to grace tan and priscilla more...after school stayed in class and slack...talk to them and "share the love" haha hai ... i miss serve man !!! so carefree...play play play... den go sp eat lunch...too bad !!! i never treasure the time spent in serve at the beginning...I MISS MISS MISS the servers !!!

"sometimes poeple think they know us very well but actually they know noting at all"......out of nowhere u suddenly feel out of place...disliking everything that has been happening... escape from how u feel...reject friends who tries to pull u out of this feeling...although i dunno how u feel...but i can help by listening...

anyway...fellow brothers and sisters in chirst...please continue to pray for my mum...for strength and happiness...she is rather upset abt how the pain has been torturing,,,i hope she doesn't give up and continue to fight this battle...hai people treasure wat u have now
Tuesday, April 06, 2004, 5:54 PM
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yesterday when i went for swimming training... i found out that i am a proud person... in my private swim lessons...i am one of the best swimmer(maybe is because i am the oldest there) ... i thought getting into the the swim team is a piece of cake to me...well.. i got in effortlessly cause they did not have enough female swimmers !!! when i went for training yesterday...for every lap...i am always one of the last few... and i got tired after a few laps ...the guys' one butterfly stroke is three of mine...there was no way that i can catch up with them...i didn't even feel well while training....after the session...my legs were so weak that i walk even slower than my ah ma and i took abt half an hour to walk to the bus stop... it was then i found out how arrogant i was..i was quite sad to find out that i was actually like that...

anyway...i got caught in school for short skirt and wrong socks...and the reason that female teacher gave me y she was not satisfied with my skirt was because MY LEGS ARE LONG... my gosh ...den the school want us to wear the sock like those guys wear for soccer but fold it down until like primary school like that... haha the school i have to stay in for 2 years...hai...haha
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Ashley Shan
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