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Saturday, April 10, 2004, 11:07 PM
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Yesterday i got a shock...wanted to go for Good Friday service but in the end i stayed at home cause feel like accompanying my mum...

my whole family wanted to go to ikea for breakfast...den all of us were waiting for my aunt to wear her boots and my mum was sitting outside and excercising her hand(because nowadays her left hand does not have much strength)and then suddenly she started shaking as though she got possessed or wat...den we realsied she got a cramp or something...my family was shocked we only could stare at her as it happened too suddenly...later my aunt asked her to relax den it stopped shaking after a while...at that time...i wanted to cry but i did not want my family to see cry...i watched her while she was shaking...her face looked like she's in pain...my heart sank...i don't know wat was going to happen and i don't know how to help her...

at my grandma's house...my ah ma got headache...i know she is suffering when she sees her daughters sick...i dunno how long she can last before she breaks down...its too much for her to take...

just now...i had to help her change clothes..i did not know i would end up to this state...or maybe my mum...my heart aches...painful...i really can't imagine how she can take it..or maybe she is crying quietly in her room right now... when i lifted her arms for her to floss her teeth..i was trying hard..very hard to make it like a joke and of no big deal that her left arm doesn't really work now... she might have felt so useless...i am so scared that she will give up hope...i dun want to lose her...i dun dun like wat i am feeling now...she told me that she finds her arm very troublesome now...i know she is trying to take it easy ...but i dun want my mum like that..i want her to be happy...at home she is always lying on the bed...frowning in pain... the pain that the illness has given her...my heart breaks....i gave her a hug trying to let her know i am there with her... telling her not to give up hope but i know she might not hold on for too long... i really dunno wat to do....
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Ashley Shan
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